Krispy Kreme: The Dilemma

Posted by Sam (Sub-Editor) from Cardiff - Published on 19/04/2011 at 13:30
8 comments » - Tagged as Food & Drink, Topical

Today marks the opening of the new Krispy Kreme store in Cardiff. It’s in St David’s Centre, underneath the escalator, by Pulp…

Belly: Rumble! Rumbly Rumbletons!

Brain: You can’t just say rumble. You have to do it.

Do you mind? I’m trying to write here. According to yourcardiff, some people got there at 4 o’clock the day before to queue up for the delicious doughnuts.

Why weren’t we there? Why aren’t we there now?

Because there’s not a trace of nutritional value to be found in them. And you’re big enough as it is.

Blah blah blah you’re no fun, you need to lighten up.

If anything needs lightening it’s you. Plus they’re something like £3 each.

They’re not that much dude, I thought you were meant to be the smart one.

Well they’re expensive. You can get four lemon drizzle ones in Greggs for £2.

Booooorrrrring. Stop boring people. I’m bored of Greggs anyway.

You were demanding a steak bake only the other day!

No I didn’t. Not since they changed the recipe.

You did. Right, I’ve seriously got to finish this article.

And what contrived trope will you be employing this time? A report written in a style of recipe? Or are going to rip off “Pass Notes” again? Wait, how about a poor pastiche of that takeaway advert on the telly?

Don’t listen to him, I think you’re fab. You should treat yourself. Have a doughnut.

You’re as subtle as a sledgehammer. Anyway if you have to have a fix of empty calories, you should support local businesses, there’s that cupcake shop in Dominions arcade, rather than some multinational conglomerate peddling fast food and obesity.

When did fairy cakes become cupcakes?

Wow have you regressed ten years? Gonna slip on that old Che Guevara t-shirt, watch a Michael Moore film and draw hammer and sickles on your folders like in school?

Probably couldn’t even fit in that t-shirt now thanks to your land grab or should that be flab grab?

That doesn’t even make sense.

Right, fine I’m not going to bother with this article if you guys are simply gonna bicker and put me off.

That’s for the best; no one was going to read it anyway.

True. But don’t go around blaming us for you not writing the article, when we all know you’re going to head straight over to Guardian Football site.

Screw you guys, I’ve got other work to do.

Yeah but you won’t do it.

That. Is. It.

What’s he doing? Where’s he taking us?

Oh no. Not again. Sam! Put the remote down. Oh God he’s going to make me watch ITV2. I’m sorry! OK? I’ll shut up. Please stop it, I can feel myself dying.

Are those prunes?

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