The Sprout

Mission To Llanishen

Posted by CLICdan from Vale Of Glamorgan - Published on 07/06/2010 at 02:15
1 comments » - Tagged as Topical

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At 00:54am a savage bear was seen tearing down the streets of Llanishen. Sirens flashed; terrified people screamed; jars of honey fled to cover and prayed.

People across the world leapt onto Twitter to follow this breaking news.

WELSH TOWN TERRORISED BY GIANT BEAST.

Where did it come from?? Was anyone hurt? Are there any photos?

Then, before we had time to digest our panic, MORE news hit:

MAN SHOT IN LLANISHEN. CRAZY GUNMAN ON THE LOOSE.

Llanishen became a trending topic on Twitter. Everyone in the world wanted to know what was going on, hungry for tragic information. Theories were offered: an emergency SWAT team had flown in to tranquilise the bear, but it had fought back and the gun had fallen into the hands of a passing psychopath. Who was apparently naked.

As we sat, our eyes transfixed on our screens, time seemed to slow down. Barely 10 minutes had passed since the first bear sighting, and now somebody had been stabbed, an old diabetic man had run out of his care home – forgetting both his insulin and his clothes – and had gone missing, a crazed gunman was on the loose, a bear was simultaneously terrorising multiple areas of Cardiff and a menacing looking pig had also been sighted.

For a brief moment, all eyes in the world were on Llanishen.

Then an official statement appeared:

Aircraft searched for males wanted for an attempt burglary at Llanedeyrn. 3 found by aircraft, arrested by ground units.

Oh.

No bears. No guns. No psychopathic pensioners running around naked looking for insulin. No war pigs. :(

It's now 01:26am. Llanishen is no longer trending on Twitter. The people who insisted they saw the bear/naked man/SWAT team are now sheepishly typing things like "well it was dark" and "thinking about it, maybe it was a cat."

There are still some rumours floating around about someone either being lost or being stabbed, and I have no idea whether any truth will have emerged by the morning, but frankly as soon as people stopped mentioning a bear we all lost interest.

The moral of the story? Don't believe everything you're told, no matter how many people insist it's the truth.

And now I think it's time I went to bed.

My favourite tweets from the evening:

"A bear has teamed up with an escaped mental patient and have organised a battle with a penguin with nunchucks in Cardiff."

"So basically...there's an old naked crazy diabetic man with a gun running through Llanishen, Pentwyn and Heath chasing a bear that's stabbed someone?"

"Wait! There is an alternative! Perhaps the bear is wearing a mansuit, and that's how he's evading capture. HE COULD BE ANYONE!"

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