The Sprout

Self-Destructive Human

Posted by DeadAngelLover22 from Caerphilly - Published on 27/12/2010 at 10:14
4 comments » - Tagged as Creative Writing

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I always hurt the ones I love the most
I do stupid stunts that hurt my body
I stab people in the back and heart
Push those who care about me away
I'm the self-destruct button
And someone has pressed down on me too hard

Now as I watch what has happened to my life
I see the burnt paths behind me
The trail of heart that I broke along the way

And now the one I have broken
The one I have torn apart
I near enough nuked the poor man's heart
The man who loved me like no other
He treated me like a princess
Like the only woman he'd ever love and see

And what did I do to the man who loved me?
Who cared for me like no other could?
I trashed his heart
I shoved his love back in his face
Was spiteful and filled him with grief
Now as I hear the coldness of his voice
Read the pain in the messages he sends

I think of how much I have put this sweet man through
All the misery I have caused his loving heart
And my mind whispers "Let him go"
But my heart rebels against losing him
About letting this love go

After everything that I have put him through
He deserves his peace
I should let his heart go
Let him fix what I broke
Let him find something better to love
But selfish as I am, I want that love for my own

The pain we went through together makes that want strong
The children we lost
The pain we helped each other through
Those cold nights we kept each other warm
When we laughed in joy
Cried in great sorrow
Held each other through the pain
When I was scared and he held me tight

Now as the cold ice settled in my heart
The tears the flood my cheeks
And yet feeling this anger at myself is not enough
Feeling so stupid
Feeling such hatred within my own skin

I plead and I beg for forgiveness
And in my heart I wish that things could be different
I wish I could have never hurt him
This man that I know now I love so much
My soul-mate and heart of my own

He brings out the better half of me
The woman that had been hidden deep inside
The sensitive girl, who can cry
Who's scared to show her true self

Now here I wait
To hear if this time I cannot win him back
If this time the pain has run too deep

But still my heart just beats for him
The news I had fills my mind with ideas
Maybe I can make him stay
Maybe I can force his hand

But then again my heart rebels
I cannot make someone love me
No I will not make him stay with me!
No matter how much it hurts

Maybe I can let him go now
Maybe I can move on
Give him a fresh start
And try not to talk to him again
Give him a new life and heart

Now I know he is the one I love
He is the one I should have kept safe
Now I hope he will be the one to see me change
To help me learn to love the way I should
With my whole heart and not just my head!

Info » Family & Relationships » Separation and Loss » Splitting Up

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4 Comments – Post a comment

Tyezer

Commented 17 months ago - 30th December 2010 - 15:27pm

This is my favourite of yours. I can relate to it totally. We always seem to show the people we love the worst sides of us. It's not just you that does this. You can repair it though, I truly believe that. It will take a lot of hard work, but it can be done, if that's what you want. From reading your poems I can tell that you have a lot of life experience- so I'm sure that if you put your mind to it, you can do whatever you want. :)