What I've Left Behind
On my last day in Cardiff, before setting out for the land where dreams are made, I went into town with some friends, to say goodbye to them. Unfortunately, quite a few people couldn't make it, but those who were there were brilliant company. It was a lovely way to spend my last day at home.
I ended up being an hour late; I missed the bus and it being a Sunday, there weren't any others for a while. Instead, I walked the two mile journey from my house to town. So after turning up an hour late to my own farewell, I found that there were still three people missing. One of those people was the person dearest to my heart, but she had a tendency to turn up late to places, so I thought nothing of it. Eventually, one of the missing three turned up. It had been three hours since I'd arrived an hour late, so I thought I'd better try calling both people.
The first, who I shall refer to with a fake name, Billy, didn't answer his phone. By the end of the day, I'd wasted almost all of my credit and battery to try and reach him, but to no avail. I still try to keep in touch with him and he is just as hard to reach as he was then. Sometimes I think, "perhaps it is for the best; he only spoke to you in the past because he thought there was a chance between you two". Other times I think, "I wonder if he would reply, if he knew how much it hurts to be forgotten?", but most of the time, I don't think. It's better that way for everyone.
The second, who I shall refer to as Mel, was a lot easier to reach. I called her while I was walking into town and asked her if she was still up for coming in and she seemed pretty positive about it all. Then, when I called her again three hours later when she hadn't turned up, I asked her if she was coming. It was only at this point that she asked her mother if she could go.
Turns out that day was her parents' wedding anniversary, so she wasn't able to come. It was at this point that I acted in a manner which I now regret. Because hearing that the person who means the most to you, the only person you can say the word "love" to with meaning, say that you won't see them again for at least a year, hurts. And so I said to her, "OK. Bye." and I hung up. And that was the last time we spoke, while in the same country.
It is the only thing I currently regret, not saying goodbye to her. If I could walk back to Cardiff, I would, just to say goodbye to her. I acted selfishly and now I am suffering for it.
Sprouters, always think of others before yourself; what may seem like the best thing for you is often the worst thing for everyone, yourself included.
Info » Family & Relationships » Separation and Loss
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3 Comments – Post a comment
emb789
Commented 7 months ago - 29th October 2011 - 16:45pm
It's a bit egotistical to comment on my own article, isn't it?
hisgirl210410
Commented 6 months ago - 29th October 2011 - 22:57pm
i know how you feel i have done the same thing and still regret it, stay strong xx
Sprout Editor
Commented 6 months ago - 1st November 2011 - 13:29pm
We all do things like this from time to time- say things when we're not thinking straight or when our emotions get the better of us. I'm sure your friend understands and probably feels guilty also. It must be really hard to move away from everything you know. You need to forgive yourself for acting the same way that so many others would have done faced with the same set of circumstances.
On another note. We all miss you here at theSprout and I always enjoy reading your news! :)